The Unspoken Beauty Regimes: How To Shave The Hoo-Ha

Yes, today we are talking about vaginas. To be honest, this post is the perfect excuse to write down all the hilarious names I’ve heard of for them so how about we kick this post off with some of those: lady garden, kitty, cooch, honey pot, penis fly trap, bearded clam, front bottom, flower, muffin, cupcake, beef curtains, foof. Ok, I’ll stop now but I have been howling for a good 20 minutes at all the names people give their vagina. Now onto how to actually shave the bloody thing, yeah?

I’m going to just refer to it as a vag throughout this post because anything else is going to make me laugh and we will get nowhere. Shaving the vag is pretty much an art. An art that causes pain and suffering and is bloody difficult to perfect but I feel like I’ve pretty much nailed the art of vagina shaving now so I thought I would pass on my wealth of knowledge and experience of ingrown hairs with you guys! You can just thank me later when you can kiss those razor burns goodbye! I don’t really think there is a right way to have a vagina, it’s yours! It’s your lady garden and you can prune it however you see fit! But for today’s post I’m going to be giving you tips on how to get that bald eagle without all the angry red razor bumps that cause the most irritating itch!

 

*A side note before we get started: You don’t want to be shaving stubble. This is where you will fall into a routine of razor burn, bleeding and ingrown hairs and a seriously itchy vag! Be patient with the re-growth, you want about 2 inches of hair before you shave again.*

Exfoliate

Any ingrown hairs you have developed or any dry skin or dead skin needs to be removed before you go in with a razor here. It’s all in the preparation! I don’t use any exfoliating products because I try and keep the ph balance of my vag as intact as I can so I just use an exfoliating glove and gently give it an (I want to say rub here but I’m not going to because it sounds weird ha!) light scrub. You could use an incredibly mild, none acidic exfoliator here if you suffer from ingrown hairs and spots quite badly down there.

 

Warmth

We have a few options here and it’ll be to your individual preference but you can have a nice hot steamy shower, a warm bath or you can wet a flannel and apply it to the vag. This will help open up the pores and make it far easier to remove the hair as close as you can with a razor.

Oil

This is something I have discovered along the way and I use two types of oil: coconut and baby oil. So once you have warmed up the area I just get a tiny amount on my fingers. We don’t want an oil slick here guys, less is more! You want to massage that into the visible part of the vag so the bikini area and along the lips. It’ll soften the hair, making it much easier to remove!

Pick Your Razor 

Don’t cheap out on this part guys, it’s really important! I used to use cheap multipack razors like the ones photographed. Don’t do it! It means to get a smooth shave you have to go back and forth over the same area a few times thus leading to major razor bumps! Most often than not cheaper razors (£2-£3) are only 2/3 blade razors. Either get a men’s razor (four blades) or let me introduce you to my best friend. Friction free shaving*! I never knew I needed a subscription box more in my life until this gem came along. There are two different priced packages £5 a month and £8 per month. I have the £8 package and have the beautiful rose gold FIVE blade razor, can you imagine how easy this removes hair! You know what’s even better? You never have to worry about running out of razors again because you get the razor and you get four blade heads delivered each month because did you know, you are supposed to change your razor head weekly? Now you can, effortlessly and imagine how much money you will save from not having to buy disposables constantly. My shaving game has 100% been improved since I started using Friction Free Shaving!

 

Lube It Up

Hahahaahahaha omg I’m sorry I had to! No lube is involved in my shaving routine, I assure you! But you do want something you will be using to shave with. Please please for the love of God do NOT just use standard soap! This just doesn’t give enough slip to it and there is nothing that will benefit the skin in soap. If you want to use something you already have then use a conditioner. Aim for one with as little ingredients as possible as you don’t want to mess with the PH balance down there but if you are like me and prefer to buy things actually designed for the use down there then I cannot recommend Fem Fresh 2 In 1 Shower & Shave Cream* enough and it’s only £3.99. It’s a PH-balanced moisturising wash and is also hypoallergenic. It leaves my skin instantly smoother and it moisturises the area too. Apply this all over, it’ll lather a little and then shave your vag like you would normally.

Close Your Pores

This one will help so much with ingrown hairs. I have two methods for this and the first one is to take a cold flannel and compress it against the skin. This one isn’t the best in my opinion and my other method is the one that I tend to go for. It does involve rubbing alcohol but don’t run away yet! I apply a small amount to a cotton pad and dab lightly all over the skin. If you are quite sensitive down there my backup method has always been to mix in a little bottle rubbing alcohol and micellar water and it makes it weaker for you.

 

Post Shaving 

We aren’t done with our vag’s yet though guys! Shaving the vag and keeping that bald eagle bald means maintenance is needed. You still need to prevent ingrown hairs and keep on top of the neatness. I always use a post shave balm and have two favourites. If you have a boyfriend or a male living with you then it’s likely he has the Nivea post shave balm or you can pick it up for a quid or two pretty much anywhere. It keeps the shave smooth, moisturises and helps prevent the itch. I used that religiously until I discovered the Femfresh Post Shave Balm* (3.99). You are supposed to use this daily to reduce razor rash and bumps and minimizes the chances of ingrown hairs. It seems like a pain to have to use this every day but it takes seconds and makes the world of a difference!

I hope you enjoyed today’s ‘unspoken beauty regimes’ and discovered some new tips to keep the rashes, bumps and ingrown hairs at bay! If you have any other tips and product recommendations for shaving the hoo-ha then leave them below!

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4 Comments

  1. 23/06/2017 / 6:12 pm

    Great post – made me laugh out loud!! I use the Femfresh shaving products – they are so good. And I can’t rate Friction Free Shaving enough x

  2. 02/07/2017 / 9:55 am

    I’ve been doing this for about 12 years and have tried almost everything. I agree more blades and a more expensive razor are imperative. I tend to use the venus embrace razor as it too has five blades, and the replacement head packs come in fours. I never knew femfresh did a shaving foam! Defo looking into that! And for post shave, I have to admit I love Lush’s “king of skin” butter. Not specifically designed for that area but ingredients are mainly natural so I figure it shouldn’t cause too much harm, and I haven’t had any issues. Very interesting read and I have to say I think “axe wound” and “flaps” are the funniest names I’ve heard so far.

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